This past week has been a struggle for me. We have had a client who put in over 70 days of treatment and found a healthier way to address his addiction and mental health issues. He put in time and energy and became a leader in the community only to suffer a relapse the day after returning home. It is not the first time this has happened, and it surely will not be the last time, but I felt I needed to post this for those struggling with addictions.
The path to recovery and sobriety, and for that matter, a healthier life does not run straight. That I am sure of! It is a winding path filled with obstacles that sometimes set us back. I teach my clients that if you are taking more steps forward than backward, you are doing fine because life is circular and not linear by any means.
The challenge for those struggling with mental health and addiction issues are they expect, or more accurately, believe that therapy will put them on a straight line to healing a happiness: and that is the problem! It sets them up to believe that upon discharge from a treatment center everything will fall into place. That cannot further from the truth!
There is not a single living person whose life has moved in a straight line forward, but for many who never learned what a “normal” life is, they believe that others are living a happy a straight-line life. No matter how much I stress this distorted belief, I am not able to penetrate that belief.
The only solace I find in the struggle to teach my clients that life is circular is by believing I am planting seeds that will hopefully take hold somewhere in their lives and help them to find peace. My “planting seed” theory has proven to be enough of a self-reward to continue treating clients.
I recently heard from a dear friend and colleague who was telling me about a past client we had (also a lengthy stay) who also immediately relapsed upon getting home. She shared with me that he had now started to understand the principles we taught him at our center. I took a deep breath and smiled at hearing that story. It took another setback for him to get it, but he is getting it and integrating it into his life-space. Once again, more steps forward than backwards seem to be the “norm.” If only I could bottle what it takes to get my clients to understand that healing takes time, I would be ecstatic.
The problem of healing usually lies in our thinking. I became a family therapist because I see how systems (e.g., family, community, educational, societal, etc.) play out in life. I have learned from my education that only about 20% of the population think systemically, the rest see life linear. So, once again, we see how hard it is to help others see that sobriety and wellness move in a circular motion.
If my learning of the 20% systemic thinkers is accurate, then I must moderate my expectations of others to accept that seed planting may be the only way to reach them. It just must be enough of a reward to move forward.
I use my Resolution Focused Therapy © (RFT) timeline intervention to help clients understand the circular motion of our lives. I show them that although we age on a linear continuum, our paths are strewn with life events that often set us back. The trick is to correctly process those events, so we learn and move forward instead of being floored and move backwards. Deep down I know they may not get it right away, but like I have said, I have planted the seed to help them recover from relapses, setbacks, traumas, etc.
So, let me plant this seed with all of you. Take heed in expecting life to reward you for some accomplishment. But if you find yourselves back in a tailspin due to an event or a relapse, just know it is the normal path to recovery and a healthier state of mind. Think of my timeline example of life and know that the circle back needs to be smaller than the circle forward and you will be okay!
The path to sobriety is not a straight line forward. The path to all our lives is not a straight line forward. The path to a healthier mind, body, and spirit is not a straight line forward. Just keep taking more steps forward than backwards and you will be all right!
Mind, Body, Spirit…Balance!
Vinnie Strumolo, CEO, LMFT
