Best and Worst of Times

April 3, 2025

Charles Dickens opened a “Tale of Two Cities” as follows:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way–in short, the period was so far like the present period that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”

This remarkable opening quote resonates in my head, especially when I simultaneously hear of tragedies or joyous events occurring. It was brilliantly written 150 years ago and yet it could be yesterday’s news. The point of this blog is to share my take on it regarding trauma and addictions and our state of mind at any given time in our lives.

Many of our situations, perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings on life are relative to the choices we made and how we reflect on or perceive those choices. However, it also reflects our worldview and where we stand in our society and the lens we are peering through.

In my Resolution Focused Therapy© (RFT), I believe the more unresolved issues we have in our past, the more those issues have a negative impact on our beliefs in the present. Consequently, these unresolved issues prevent us from making clear and healthy decisions in the present. For many with unresolved issues, it may be the worst of times, and for those who have come to terms with their past, it may be the best of times. So, as I stated before, it all depends on our state of mind.

I have been up and down the socioeconomic ladder in my life. Unfortunately, I saw the best and worst of humanity on that journey. But I have also understood it from a blue-collar upbringing and through a sort of middle-class urban lens. To this day, I reflect on the tough times I hit during my past traumatic life event and how I survived in a so-called “ghetto” area. I also realized it was my choice at any time to pull myself out of it and proceed with resolving my trauma and retaking my place in society. All I had to do was tap out at any given time, but it is not so easy for those who only know hardship and live in the daily struggle to survive.

I have always declared that our state of mind at the time of a traumatic life event will determine the outcome of that event and whether it gets resolved. I believe people who have a somewhat balanced mind, body, and spirit prior to a life event will deal with that event in a far healthier way than those not balanced and vulnerable at the time of the event. I am the perfect example. I was devastated and riddled with guilt for 4 years after my traumatic event. However, 4 years later, in a much better state of mind, the same event occurred, and I handled it in a much healthier manner, and survived it without falling down the hole that swallowed me up the first time.

For those of you who have found peace in your lives, regardless of your socio-economic status, you tend to see, or want to see, the best of times. For those of you who have not found peace in your lives you will always see the dark side of humanity.

Finding peace of mind goes beyond those who say, “think positive” or “say positive things when you wake up.” No offense to those who profess this positive talk because it sounds good, but unfortunately it takes a little more work than just saying the words. It is quite backwards. Those who work to resolve their past and work toward inner peace have no need to say positive words, they transcend words, and it becomes their way of life.

This quote is always at work in all the aspects of our lives, regardless of our socioeconomic status, location, or just in our small circle of friends. When it comes to addictions, for some in active addiction it is the worst of times and those in recovery possibly the best of times. I just find it so intriguing how something is so relative to our lives and worldviews.

Since leaving my neighborhood in 1990 my worldview has drastically widened and changed. These changes are also reflected in my state of mind after recovering from a traumatic event. As I progressed through the resolution of my past and traveled to various parts of the country to work, my worldview changed on several levels. Since my focus was no longer on the past, I was willing and receptive to the cultural differences of others and was also capable of viewing events through different lenses.

In the past, when I had less insight into my beliefs I would just emotionally react, and it had little to do with the issues and more to do with my unhealthy state of mind. My point is simple, my worst of times was someone else’s best of times, and someone else’s best of times was another’s worst of times. The best and the worst of times exist in the past, present, and future, and ultimately in our minds.

It is truly the “Best of times and worst of times”! For those experiencing the former, I say good for you! For those experiencing the latter, I say there is hope, but you need to be willing to change and do the work necessary for a better life and state of mind.

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