I have been a firm believer that finding your passion in life is a great healing factor for those suffering from addictions. However, I have recently shifted this belief to finding your purpose in life. This came about after a discussion with one of my leadership team members, Morris Crosby. We were discussing how nice it was to have our team back at our new inpatient facility. Mo said, “it’s a sense of purpose” that gave us the energy to move forward and do what we love, helping people overcome addictions and adversity in their lives.

Although I still believe that passion will also serve to give you direction and satisfaction in life, purpose is more general and applicable to all situations. It is more existential in nature. Finding a purpose can ignite the fire in your soul to find a better life. It can apply to a profession, family, work, community, church, and all other areas of life. Purpose gives you the necessary grounding (attached to a person, place, or thing) to stay tethered to something bigger than yourselves.

In the addiction world, tethering or grounding to something is essential in recovering from this horrible disease. I have seen thousands of souls lost in this world, and 100% of the time, it was due to no purpose, or loss of purpose. What took over for them was getting the next drink or drug to get high. When you add past trauma to the mix, you get people who truly are “freefalling” in life.

In my Resolution Focused Therapy © (RFT), I define “freefalling” when speaking of individuals who have no grounding and have gotten lost. This freefall keeps people spiraling downward and getting further and further away from any purpose in life other than getting high or drinking. I surely know because I was one of them lost souls after my life event!

I also believe other mental health issues also apply here. Unhappy people that have lost, or no longer feel, a purpose in life suffer from an array of disorders such as depression and anxiety, and other debilitating symptoms. Life without a purpose is like getting in your vehicle and just driving off with no direction in mind. You aimlessly wander around hoping to find something. Well, what they are hoping to find is a purpose. In my trauma and addictions education I try to help others find that purpose.

There is always a “but” in any situation, and it is no different here. The but with purpose or passion is when you have not attained any self-worth or self-esteem and depend on others to help you fulfill your purpose. We all know people who are always helping everyone else except themselves or their loved ones at home. The irony here is we often label some of those people as heroes, when in fact, they are lost souls who depend on others to divert themselves from their own misery and lack of purpose.

So, how do you know when you have found the balance in life when it comes to purpose? It is quite simple, your own house is in order, and you have found a purpose in life to fulfill it and be happy in it. But you must also be able to find happiness inside your own mind, body, and spirit.

The “purpose” of this blog is to point out that life without purpose is empty, depressing, and lonely. It is no surprise that those who have not found a purpose are lost souls who often find purpose in numbing and drugging themselves. It is also no surprise that those who have not found self-awareness or a balance also get thrown for a loop when others they have marked as their purpose leave by divorce, separation, or death.

Thomas Brown in 1642 wrote “Charity begins at home, is the voice of the world; yet is every man his greatest enemy”. It clearly has meaning in this blog. Once again, you cannot find a true purpose for helping others without first getting your own life in order. Or, I should say, you cannot find inner peace and happiness without solving your own ails. You may think you have achieved it when running about worrying about others, but this is temporary, and you can only run so far before you must face your inner demons.

In my trauma groups I have had hundreds of clients with the “Superman” complex. They honestly believed that they were responsible for saving their families from some form of adversity and are always needed at home. Whether financially or emotionally, they would stress to me their self-importance in being home instead of treatment. I would simply stop and point out by saying “and how has that worked out for you?” while they were sitting in my inpatient facility. They have come to believe that everything around them will fall apart when they are gone for a period. I would also ask “how did they get by when you were off on a 3-day binge of drugging or drinking?”. My point was always made and needed no further comment.

Over my 3 decades as a therapist, I have witnessed the spiraling downward of unhealthy people who have made others their purpose. It will never work over the long haul, and even if it did, you will not find inner peace or purpose to live fulfilling lives. I have also experienced it in my early years and have come to understand the greater rewards of attaining inner peace. Once that peace has been achieved, you can then help many more people and do it with purpose and joy.

Mind, Body, Spirit…. Balance!

Vinnie Strumolo, CEO, CCO, LMFT